A Necromorph's Life
by Lilljj
Summary: Just another day in a necromorphs life. Suckish. But on this day, things have changed for two very close necro buddies, Todd and Jaron. Rated T for strong profanity.


"On the planet of Aegis 7, a colony of necromorphs interacted and lived, or rather not lived, among one another, as if family. Todd, a large, fattass necro-" Jaron was interrupted.

"Hey asshole! I'm not fat! I am merely stocky! My muscles are just-" Todd began.

"Dude, you're fat." Jaron said, cutting him off. They both fell silent, glaring at one another with their beety, death-ridden eyes. A female necromorph lazily stumbled passed them, flaunting her what they call "ass" in the open. They both made cat-calls to her but she just ignored them and limped off to her "mate". Her companion growled at Todd and Jaron, spewing saliva from his jaw-deprived face. The two corpses turned away, as if they had no idea what was going on. To fill the awkward silence between them, Todd began to speak.

"I just don't understand why you have to keep narrating everything…" he said limply. Jaron gave him a deathly glare.

"Do you really have any idea how fucking boring it is on this Godforsaken planet? What else am I supposed to do? Without any humans around to feed on, there really isn't anything else…" he trailed off, his mind elsewhere. Todd cocked his head at his distracted look.

"Well…why don't you play rockball with the leapers? They always have fun throwing boulders around." Todd said. A moment of silence passed, and Jaron looked back at him.

"…They are leapers. I am a slasher. I don't have a tail for that kind of sport! You imbecile…" He shouted.

"…You don't have to yell, Jaron." Todd said defensively, giving him a frown. Todd was what was called a pregnant necromorph, which come in both sexes in case you were confused. And Jaron is your average, everyday slasher. They look the most human, if they look human at all. Todd and Jaron sat there, bored as hell. They have been close buddies ever since they turned into the hideous and treacherous beasts they are today. _Later that day_,

Todd and Jaron sat in their usual spot, making small talk and mingling with passerby's when a large BOOM sounds. It makes a similar noise to perhaps thunder or a bomb going off in the distance. A few necromorphs, including Todd and Jaron, point their torn up heads in the direction of where the sound came. There was nothing to be seen.

"I wonder what that sound was.." Todd mumbled. Jaron just rolled his eyes.

"Probly' just one of them exploder fellas fightin' and got his yellow sack hit..poor fella.." One of the nearby necros commented.

The suns that orbited Aegis 7 almost disappeared beyond the horizon, and nightfall begins to take over. Shadows slowly cast over the necromorphs, and their beautiful Marker, which glowed a brilliant dark purple in the moonlight. The vast and empty planet became a cold and eerie wasteland, crawling with reanimated corpses of all shapes and sizes, children and babies, men and women, fatasses and bulimics. They all seemed to get along, but none got along better than Todd and Jaron.

As midnight came around, it grew almost as dark as the bottom of the ocean. All you could see where glowing eyes in the darkness.

"Todd! Todd? Where the hell are you boso!" Jaron called, staggering through a crowd of sleeping necros. He continued calling for his bestie when a puker starts to stir.

"W-what the fuck are you yelling for dumbshit?" George gargles in his barf-covered face. Jaron looks down at him and rolls his eyes.

"I'm looking for someone, asshole. Now get back to sleep." He snorts. The puker ignores him and rolls over. Jaron continues his search past the hordes of dead bodies, and into a place where he hardly ventures. Todd often goes into the outskirts of the necromorphs for alone time. But he only does that when Jaron scolds him, so it was very strange for him to be out there this late at night.

Jaron continues his retarded walk, with his arms waving in the air like an idiot. Then he thinks to himself, 'why am I walking like this! I'm not running after a human.' So he put his arms down, looking around to be sure no one was watching him. He turned around the corner of a huge-ass motherfucking rock and heard a noise. It would scare the living shit out of an ordinary human. It sounded like crackling, oozing, and ripping all at the same time. Jaron peered his white eyes from around the huge-ass boulder, and saw Todd slumped over a dead human carcass, with mounds of bodily fluids and organs sprawled over the dirty ground. Rage pulsed through Jaron's dead veins.

"What the HELL are you doing?" he screeched. Todd jerked his head from his meal, pointing it towards the voice.

"J-Jaron you scared me good.." he stuttered. Jaron sauntered over to him, looking angry.

"You oaf! So you find some humans and don't even tell me about it! Trying to be sly are you? Are you that dumb? Thinking I wouldn't notice your disappearance…?" he spoke with a gurgly voice. Todd bowed his head in shame and replied, "I was just so hungry..there were more that I was gonna let you have, but…"

"MORE! Where the hell are they coming from? There haven't been any humans on this stupid rock for months!" Jaron yelled. Todd pointed behind him, where there was a large vessel, roughly the size of a house. Jaron made a beeline tawards it, with his arms waving in the air and saliva slobbering all over his jawless face. Todd got up slowly, as if he were an obese man getting out of a hot tub.

"w-wait! Jaron!" he called. Jaron stopped in his tracks, maybe two meters from the crashed ship.

"What now!" He yelled back.

"There was a noise I heard…it scared me! I didn't know what it was or where it was coming from…it sounded like another necromorph, but it was little and spooky.."

"Hahahahaha you dumbass! How could you be scared of your own kind?" Jaron told him. He continued his stride toward the ship, sparks coming from within. He poked his head inside, looking around for any extra humans, when a little girl suddenly ran at the beast, jumping on Jaron. He fell on his back with a tiny girl making noises as if she were a necromorph. He looked at her with a confused look on his face.

"What the-" he stammered. Jaron pulled the small human off with ease and threw her to the ground, standing up to look at the thing that attacked him.

"Uck.. it's disgusting!" he writhed. "Well…it's better than nothing." Just as he was about to drive one of hid elongated hands into the small child's face, Todd ran into him like a sumo wrestler, making Jaron stab the rock-hard ground instead.

"You idiot! You had all the rest! This one's MINE! Goddamnit!" Jaron screeched. The girl just looked up at them and giggled, her hair was dirty blonde and frizzy, looking as though she hasn't bathed for days.

"It's just a little one!" Todd protested. Jaron widened his white eyes, looking furious.

"So that's what this is about? You want me to spare the human! You disgust me.." he said, walking back towards the girl. Todd spoke up "but-but don't you want to wait until it gets bigger, so it can be a big necromorph?" he said as a last resort. Jaron stopped, and stared at the little girl on the ground, her big blue eyes looking back at him. Jaron looked back at Todd, and said "Fine. But she better not be a Goddamn mary-sue."

THE END! I will write the second chapter soon! Hahaha


End file.
